I’m Maggie. I’m comically and tragically pissed off about things, I am petty and immature, and I have many tribal tattoos from the 90s for which I refuse to be apologetic.
Prior to successfully becoming a writer you’ve never heard of in South Florida, I was the singer of a band you’ve never heard in South Florida, and prior to that I was a go-go dancer for a now-defunct funk band you’ve never heard of in South Florida. I am what those in the business call “A Triple Non-Threat”. Aren’t you the Jealous Nelly?! Please, I beg of you. Hold your applause.
I’m working on putting out my first book in 2019, because apparently everyone and their mother has a damn book. It’s called “Dirtbag Lights” and it’s a book of stories about my life growing up a poor dirtbag kid and eventually becoming a slightly less poor dirtbag adult. I promise it’s 85% funny, and if you keep refreshing this page every five minutes (or click on the button on the home page to Follow This Blog), you’ll be the first to know when it comes out.
My curriculum vitae is as follows: I was a C-minus student in high school, I have no college degree nor any attempts at one, no previous work published in literary journals (UPDATE: I’ve had nine pieces accepted for publication this year!), and have won no literary awards because most of them sound like some stuff designed especially for Beckys who know how to use semicolons, but my ninth grade English teacher in 1990 told me that I should be a writer. Thanks, Mr. Morone!
In short, I was figuratively raised by literary wolves.
I am also a cartoonist, and my current cartoon blog is called “The Musical Instruments of Men Who Have Disappointed Me”. You can find it at TMIOMWHDM.com or on Instagram under the name TMIOMWHDM. I seriously need to update that page, but I’ve been so busy writing about Tony Danza’s sensuality that I’ve lost all track of time (which is a sentence I’ve longed to write for my entire life).
I also have a day job that I have to get up really early in the morning for, so don’t give me a lot of shit, all right?