I wrote a piece about growing up poor and how I exacted revenge on a young man who made fun of me for it. It’s one of my favorite funny pieces and it’s very near and dear to my cold, steely heart. I’d been looking for a good home for it for a long time and I didn’t want to trust it with just anyone.
It finally found the perfect home right here on good ol’ page 44: The Smiting of Wyatt Stupid Face
Hand to Mouth is a special edition zine dedicated to writers responding to living in poverty, and is hosted by Kissing Dynamite. This issue is full of poetry, creative nonfiction (that’s what I do, suckas), and artwork – and you should read it cover to cover and support the heck out of it because they’re good people doing good in the world…
…unlike me, a person who basically works for pizza money and unfettered mirror-time.
This means that you’re a good person if you print it out 10,000 times, wallpaper the entire inside of your house with it, invite me over, I’ll walk in and get freaked out that you’re a stalker, then pepper spray you and kick you in the jimmies with a sensible shoe.
And won’t that be a story to tell at your next court-ordered group therapy session.
If you’re not already following this blog, go ahead and click the “Follow” button on the home page and you’ll get a nifty email anytime I post new stuff on here, usually about once a week. I won’t go blowing up your email unlike certain people named Old Navy those denim-clad sons of bitches. Who needs five emails a day from Old Navy??? We’re breaking up! I don’t even care how well your Rock Star stretch jeans fit. WE’RE DONE.
That’s a huge lie. I will never quit Old Navy.
You can also follow me on Twitter at @romcomdojo.
I ALMOST FORGOT!
Hi frenz! My micro-essay “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now, Daddio” is up at Foliate Oak Literary Magazine today. It’s a short humor piece about how I successfully tricked a local radio DJ into playing my favorite Starship song when I was a kid.
You can read it here: Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now, Daddio
Foliate Oak is the literary magazine for the University of Arkansas, and the irony that I did not attend a single day of college in my entire life is not lost on me here. This is my first publication in a university journal, which basically means I get an honorary doctoral degree now or something, so you may now commence calling me Doctor Pissypants.
I have actually been to Arkansas, though. Right in that area where you drive over the Mississippi River out of Memphis, Tennessee and you see that “Welcome to Arkansas!” sign in the middle of a corn field and say to the person in the passenger seat, “Uh oh” and then turn the car around and drive back to Memphis for more day-drinking.
Thanks so much for reading! I’ve just been walking around all day lately not believing my luck.
And here’s your weird boyfriend Nicolas Cage, who is also my weird boyfriend, and the universe’s weird boyfriend.
Hey sassafrases! The folks over at jmww journal were kind enough to give a home to a little nonfiction humor piece I wrote about the first guy who showed up to take my mom on a date when I was a kid.
You can read it on the jmww site here: This Joker Who Wants to Kiss Your Mother
About The Journal: “jmww is a weekly journal of writing publishing the best in fiction, poetry, flash, essays, interviews, and reviews (or a close approximation).”
A Reminder About Me: I have no idea how a dirtbag like me got accepted there, I’m just honored as hell that they shook me out of the pile, dusted me off, and gave me a shot.
Special thanks to the illustrious Alle C. Hall, Senior Nonfiction Editor at jmww and a stunningly good writer, for her excellent guidance, ideas, and expert honing in editing this piece. You can check out her blog here: About Childhood
As always, thanks to all of you for being so awesome. You’re all so supportive and kind and funny and I can’t thank you enough for hanging out with me here every week! More published work coming next week!
And here’s the obligatory Nicolas Cage photo. Because.