Licehead Spa Day

Now this a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down…

Okay, that’s actually the Fresh Prince of Bel Air’s story.  I’ve been foiled again!

Do you know what I wouldn’t give to be able to say that just one time in my life for real?  Like, pound my fist on the desk in my underground lair and shout, “I’ve been foiled again!” with possum-henchmen scattering from the room?

Someone should really offer some kind of formal villain training courses (besides the current Yale and Harvard business programs).  I would absolutely sign up for that.  One time I did get to yell, “Because they don’t get to win – THAT’S why!” in the conference room at work, and it may have been my greatest moment in life.

So!  I had lice as a kid.  More than once.  As the judge tells Nicolas Cage in Raising Arizona, “A ree-peat ohhh-fender.”

This was mostly because I was a filthy little heathen, as were my friends, classmates, pets, and both of my Cabbage Patch Kids if we’re being honest, here.

I wrote a li’l flash humor piece about it and it’s on Cosmonauts Avenue this month.  I know!  Do they have the best name or what?  You can read it here:  Licehead Spa Day.

And then spend the rest of the day not scratching at your head.  It’s not like you have lice or anything.  Unless you do…

Shout out to Finesse Shampoo.  You were the wind beneath my lice wings.  VO5, on the other hand, can 100% go sit and spin.

Speaking of hair…thanks, as always, for reading and commenting and letting me watch your hair flowing slowly in the breeze.

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Now try saying “flowing slowly” ten times fast.

31 thoughts on “Licehead Spa Day

  1. Ha! I remember I got lice, twice! Hey that rhymes, lol. And both time from my stupid cousin, the same one who refused to take a bath or shower because she thought it was bad luck, ugh. I too remember that small comb my mom used to get rid of those little bastards, she dug it into my scalp! I use to use the Herbal Essence shampoo, the oval green colored bottles, if it was good enough for Jacyln Smith it was good enough for me!

    Fantastic story Maggie, brought back a lot of memories! And here I thought I was the only one to imagine being followed around by a imaginary camera that I broke the fourth wall with, lmao!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wonder if everyone had “the dirty cousin”? At first I was thinking that I maybe didn’t have one, which then made me realize that I was probably the dirty cousin.

      I learned to break the fourth wall probably the same way you did – by watching Mr. Roper do it on Three’s Company! Anytime something ridiculous happens in life, even if I’m alone in my living room, I look off-camera and raise my eyebrows. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Did you know that black people don’t get lice? And that they prefer clean, white kid hair? In my kids grade school, which was about 40 percent black, lice was the great white shame. And my kids got it so bad that it took me about a week to finish picking the nits out. I finally got smart and forced them both to wear a full head of mayonnaise wrapped in saran wrap overnight. This killed the stubborn eggs and made them easier to get out. I think this was 18 years ago, which is apparently how long it takes for a lice story to become funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t remember having head lice, but I do remember a case of sabre-toothed crotch crickets many years ago and Quell to get rid of them. Maybe if I would have had some Finesse I could have added some style to the forest.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It really is just the worst. Those little suckers infest everything! They actually have professional lice removal clinics here in Florida so parents don’t have to do it themselves anymore! I remember the whole process just seemed to take hours and hours.

      My mother got so good at delousing, she should probably get a job there. She’s still the one who delouses the children in the family (her grandchildren). There should be a bat signal that people can point towards the sky in the shape of a louse when someone needs debugging so she can come running!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. sabre-toothed crotch crickets – I laughed and laughed at that. I’m so sorry for your affliction with lice. Not sure how I escaped it, but my son did get them when he was in his 20’s with hair down to the middle of his back! That was not funny so I can imagine what it is like for a child, and that vicious little comb thing – more torture.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks!! I plan to become one of those insufferable types who sets hotel rooms on fire and eventually ends up in court-mandated anger management classes. Whether anything comes of my writing or not. 😉


  5. Oh man this is too funny. There was one family when I was a kid that we suspected were responsible for every lice outbreak. I had boy short hair. A Dorothy Hamel run amuck thanks to my mom gifting us with her homespun haircuts. No lice here.

    My nieces had lice the DAY we were all scheduled to pose for a family portrait. They live in Wisconsin vs Chicago so had it not been for the portrait we never would have known. Those girls have crazy ass thick hair. Four of ’em. My sister was traumatized. In a family where my kids are usually the ones to blame for whatever gets broke or whoever gets hurt, I walked away with a soft little snicker.

    Still nit sure 7 years has been sufficient for us to laugh openly at family parties about it. Maybe I will test the waters at the next family gathering and let you know how it plays out.

    In the 80s I was all about pebto bismal colored bottles of Salon Selectives. Today if there is a lice scare we break out the mint shampoo. Lice hate mint.

    Wait, you like hamburger helper?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just the mention of the words “Salon Selectives” makes the scent of apples appear as if from nowhere. Now I’m singing the jingle in my head.

      I don’t eat Hamburger Helper anymore, but only because my husband is a fantastic cook and won’t prepare that poison for me. If left to my own devices, I would continue to eat the food of my youth every day and probably die before age 45. Sooooo much Hamburger Helper. The lasagna variety, although the Cheeseburger Macaroni scratches a particular poor kid itch as well. Boxed potatoes au gratin with hot dogs cut up in it? Oh man, I would eat the hell out of that!


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