They Shoot Salads, Don’t They?

I’ve got a new humor/memoir piece up this month at Wraparound South about the very first vision board ever created, satin formalwear, signing things in my own blood, cannibal mice, and SaladShooters.  My life when I was thirteen, basically.

You can read it here:  They Shoot Salads, Don’t They?

The amazing part is that this issue of Wraparound South is described by the editor like this:

“This issue, though not strictly a themed issue, orbits around that mirrored labyrinth that is perception – of culture, of race, of personal values, of ambition… As humans, we seem to have the ability to see ourselves mirrored in every situation, blind to our own reflection and to the illusions that we project about the spaces we inhabit.”

You will find this doubly amusing after you read my story.  🙂

I’m never not fascinated that these literary folks let dirtbag me into their world, but I’m so thankful that they do.

As always, thanks for hanging out here with me and being awesome and stuff – and hey – it’s almost October!  That means it’s time for Nicolas Cage and his not even remotely passable wig in:


Season of The Witch!



17 thoughts on “They Shoot Salads, Don’t They?

  1. Ha! I must admit Maggie I admire your gumption for trying to get your mom to go half of $270! What 13 year old kid does that? All I did was sneak money out of my mom’s wallet every so often. I knew I could never approach my mom the way you did. She’d fucking kill me just for clearing my throat to ask. You go girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh – where did you come up with this stuff? In junior high my girlfriend and I saved our money to buy a puppy that we were going to share. We didn’t even live close enough to one another to be able to ride bikes to each other’s houses (stupid Chicago suburbs and Catholic School enrollment far from actual home). How would we share a dog? Never mind my brother was deathly allergic to dogs. It was never going to happen, but I wasn’t dumb enough to tell my folks that we were plotting like this. It was just fun to talk about and to count our money. Holy crap, you had some nerve. Love the ending. Bah!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried to share a cat with a friend when we were 10 years old – one week at my house, the next week at hers. Of course, it wasn’t our cat. It was one we randomly found in our neighborhood, that turned out to actually belong to someone, so we had to return it. We had convinced ourselves that a gorgeous, well-fed, purebred Russian Blue was a “stray” in our otherwise busted neighborhood!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Isn’t amazing the things kids come up with when all they have to do is sit back and reap the rewards of their brilliant and practical ideas? Too bad most parents aren’t as gullible as the ones on TV and in the movies.
    Congrats on another published piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for all of this magic. And especially thank you for calling bullshit on that book “The Secret”!! I admire the moxy in your 13 year old self, and your incredibly random list of priorities!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for reading! That book “The Secret” causes me no end of aggravation. Manifesting is just another word for “wishing”, and it’s so freaking silly that anyone would think it was a tool for success, I don’t even know where to begin.

      I had someone tell me that I was getting pieces published thanks to all my “manifesting” and I nearly had a stroke explaining that I spend about 50 hours a week writing, editing, submitting, and filing through rejections. Working your ass off towards a goal is not “manifesting”! 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  5. RIGHT!! It’s not mumbo jumbo it is YOU, working hard, and seizing the day and grabbing every opportunity!

    Also when I was 13 my parents moved us from rural California to Washington DC suburbs and I had a 2 month tantrum complete with daily hours of crying, which ended with the worst case of Mono my doc had ever seen , my neck WAY larger than my head, just imagine that with braces and glasses and going to my first city school complete with forced busing to integrate all us yeehaws. Fun times. 1974.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My husband, turning 16, did succeed with a 50/50 proposition for his first car. My jaw hit the floor when I heard that because no way in hell were my parents going to go for any 50/50 propositions much less a CAR. Instead, my mom convinced a lady to hire me at her Asian Import Store, and I busted tail for two years to save up enough money for my college computer. (At 7.25 an hour)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He got the 50/50 deal for a whole CAR? Now those are some sitcom-worthy parents! Most of the teenagers I knew either borrowed their parents’ car or worked to save up the money for a junker. It takes a loooooong time at $7.25 an hour to save up for anything, right? 😉

      I wasn’t allowed to work when I was in high school (Mom was afraid I would drop out of school if I had a job), so I was out of luck until I graduated, and then it took me three years of working at $6.50 an hour to get a used car after that. I feel like I could write a book on how to successfully beg for rides. 🙂


      1. Right? My husband already had a job at that point and was borrowing their car, so that might have had something to with it. 😉

        I drove my grandma’s car since we lived in a rural area, and my parents couldn’t drive me to work. So I ran errands for grandma and took her on excursions to make up for its use.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. My son actually pulled off a 50/50 deal – he was 5 and wanted to buy a model rocket to shoot off at the local elementary school like the big kids. He and hubby priced the kit he wanted and the engines and it came to about $34. Several months later, he says “I’m read for my rocket now”, and sure enough, he had $17 in singles and change. Hubby and I were a bit bewildered about how a 5-year-old gets $17. Ends up he saved his birthday money from Grandma and did some odd chores and couch dived, etc. Best part of the story is how he grew up, got an ROTC scholarship from the Air Force for college and ended up on the Delta IV team shooting rockets down at Cape Canaveral. I’m still not sure he wasn’t switched at birth…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s fantastic! Times have definitely changed. $17 at age 5! I’m amazed at how much cash my nieces and nephews have on them at any given time. I don’t think I had $20 accumulated before I was in middle school – and even then it was rare.


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